#101: Stop the Duckface Photos! AHHHH!!!!

People...ok, more like ladies...

Ladies, I beg you, please stop all the DUCKFACE pictures! It's really driving me crazy...I don't get it, it's not that cute - it's like Allergic Reaction meets Botox (eyebrows are often lifted in the pics)..., and I'm sure often times that goes along with someone else's fist in your face.

When I first saw someone's duckface photos back in the Myspace era, I thought it was pretty funny trying to imitate Adrienna Lima, Angelina Jolie, (i.e. ladies with a full lip) etc.  But now, it's an epidemic, and it won't stop...I try to avoid it...but it somehow keeps creeping up on me....

AHHHHH!!!

Well, there's an Anti-Duckface website already established called...you guessed it www.antiduckface.com

So on the real, I Googled the following: What was duckface origin?


...and here's what I found.
A. Inspired by Zoolander
B. Early symptoms of amyotrophic lateral sclerosis


And to expand on letter B because I was curious, here's an excerpt from a blogger on KnowYourMeme.com


Apparently, this is the expression made when girls hold cameras in front of themselves. It may be an involuntary response, as the combination of elevated, extended arm and tense forefinger on the shutter button may lead to tightened facial muscles. Occasionally, it may appear that the females photographed are, in fact, not holding the camera. In these instances, any hands pictured are likely to still exhibit the traits noted above (raised above shoulders, fingers tensed and/or flexed, see immediately below). It may also be a symptom of the most widespread epidemic of early amyotrophic lateral sclerosis.

#100: Thank you Video Mashup

As you probably saw on my Facebook, I have been writing and deleting for days straight trying to get the perfect 100th Blog.  I stayed up til nearly 3am last night trying to figure out how amusing I could make it or how offensive I could turn it into, but in the end, it just wasn't right.  So as I was searching for something to hit me, I realized that I had quite a few video clips that had never surfaced before within these last few months.

So I decided to just put it all randomly together. A mashup as you may call it.

This post is to say Thank You.  Thank you for allowing me the opportunity to be a part of your life...these last 100 posts have taught me so much, but what I really learned from this experience so far is that it all boils down to the relationships we built and the memories we all have with one another. 
With that said, here's my video...it reminds me a lot of "The Wonder Years":



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kFebopv_sMw

#99: Pretend-tious

(Pretend)tious

That is all.

#98: Premature....100th Blog Celebration

So the word Premature has a lot of negative connotations - take the following for some examples:

However, one thing I know for sure that isn't negative is Tawn's 100th Blog Premature Party.  So I haven't really written 100 blogs yet, but this is #98...close enough to celebrate right? Yes, it is.  Plus, next week is July 4th anyway and I'll be spending it alcohol free as I will be a Camp Counselor in Hempstead, Texas.  

Here's your chance people to come out and celebrate with me at Zimm's Martini and Wine Bar (4321 Montrose Blvd.) at 11pm on Sat. 6/26/2010!!  Don't know if we'll stay there the whole time, but I sure in hell will be starting my night off there.

#97: Later Victoria's Secret, Wasup FOL

I'll give props where props are due.  Victoria's Secret has revolutionized the way society sees lingerie/foundation.

So now I have that out of the way, here's what I want to say/show:

Yes, I'm saying f-you overpriced panties, and hello to low cost ones that I can find at Walmart!

Screw the usual retail mall's promo of 4 panties for $20, when I can get 3 for $5!

I'm just tired of over paying for these foundations at the mall, they're expensive and seriously, no one gives a crap about what they look like. Your crap doesn't even give a crap. Skid mark all you want, it's only like $1.

#96: Ken Doll's Dating Tip

#95: What He Says, What He REALLY Means

Man, apparentally my blog about Break Ups (see Blog #93) was a big nerve-hitter-upper. I got a lot of pretty good feedback from my friends and readers and it sparked up some really cool dialogue. So, with that, I'll just continue on this "relationship" track and talk about "what he says...and what he really means..."

Background
I don't know about y'all, but deep down, I really know what a guy means when he does/doesn't do certain things. However, for whatever reason, I always refuse to believe what I know and then I have to rely on a blunt friend to step in and say, "Tawn, look, this is what it is." 

And of course, that sliver of hope just goes away immediately, I stop re-analyzing things over for the 100th time, and I continue on with my life. 

Oh yea, and a little insight for you fellows - girls do NOT have it simple either.  Y'all boys act like we gals have never been rejected. *Waves hand, points at herself* I have and I know the feeling. 

Here's my rule (and it applies to the fellows as well so if you're trying to holler at someone, please read this first).

You've heard of Rule of 3 - well, I call this the Rule of 2

Rule of 2

1. Ask her out.

If she has an excuse the first time as to why she can't go out with you. Chances are she ain't into you, BUT go ahead and give her the benefit of the doubt the first time around because she could legitimately be busy.

2. Ask her out again. 

If this time she throws out another excuse, it's game over for you.  If she was into you, she would've given you an alternative date because she wanted to see you.

That's a rule that I have for myself if I ever asked a guy out. Trust me, if there was a club for Rejects, I would belong to that club and I would be its Rookie of the Year.  But here's the upside to this whole thing, why would you want to date someone who doesn't like or is attracted to you? 

What he Says, What he Really Means

So here goes the main point of the Blog - this is actually taken from eHarmony's Advice Column. I went ahead and condensed it because I hate reading all of it.  But if you do here's the website: http://advice.eharmony.com/article/dating-men-when-he-says-x-he-means-y.html

1. “I’d love to come in, but I have to get up early tomorrow.”

Really means one of these two options:

• 99% - “I don’t feel great chemistry with you.”
• 1% - “I’m dog tired and I have to get up early.”


2. “What did you do this past weekend?”
Really Means - “Do you have a life? Do you have friends or are you looking for me to provide all your entertainment?”


3. “I need some space.” Tawn's Stamp of Experience, I've heard this one.
Really means one of these two options:

• 98% - “I need a new girlfriend.”
• 2% - “I think I might need a new girlfriend, and I need some distance so I can decide for sure.”


4. “I had a nice time. I’ll give you a call.” 
Really Means - “The time we spent together was not unpleasant, and I don’t really know how to say goodnight without telling you I’ll call. I might call you, but don’t hold your breath.”


5. “Yes, I’m interested in a serious relationship.”
Really Means - “I’m carefully assessing every woman I meet, and when I find one that feels just right. I’ll marry her.”


6. “You’re beautiful.”
Really Means - “You’re really beautiful.”


7. “It’s not you, It’s me.”
Really Means - “I’m doing the dumping, so technically it is me, not you. But I’m breaking up because I just don’t feel it for you. I’m sure you don’t want a personality critique so this is an easier way to end it.”


8. “She’s just an old friend.”
Really means one of these two options:
• 98% “She’s someone I used to date.”
• 2% “I once made a move on her and she wasn’t interested.”


9. “Work is crazy right now. I just don’t have time for a relationship.”
Really Means - “I’m not interested in a relationship with you.”


10. “I’m not interested in anything serious. I just want to have fun.”
Really Means - “I just want to have a physical relationship.”

#94: My Mom's Creepy Drawings

Most Moms like to send little cute messages to their kids when they pack their lunch. Not my Mom - she likes to label things and draw really creepy smiley faces.  It's like Walmart meets Frankenstein. See below.

I went to visit the parents this past weekend, and my Mom gave me PLENTY of yummy Viet food to take back to eat, and when I opened up the bag where she placed all of my to-go food, this is what I found.

Little small, creepy smiley faces that stared back at me. I couldn't help but crack up.

#93: Tis the Breakup Season

Tis the summer time, and you know what that means? Sun, vacation, Grease-like-summer-night-flings-because-pheromones-are-at-an-all-time-high, and, oh wait, breakups.  Sorry to break it to you people but since this is the season where you don't have to buy/receive presents or feel obligated to be with someone, it makes it the perfect time to break ties.

I don't know why I'm sitting here right now writing about breakups, but I think I've heard enough from my girlfriends within the last couple of weeks that I feel as though I should impart some of my "knowledge" onto you.  

I'm not going to lie, I was that girl who slept in bed all day, missed more work than normal, lost 1 pound each day for 14 days straight, had to buy Preparation H to put on my eyes because they were puffy all the time, sat in bed and waited til my roommate came home so I could cry my eyes out, and then was really mean to her because she made me eat (sorry, Esme, I love you!), and then weeks later found out more info that just stabbed me right in the heart and left me wanting to pull a Carrie Underwood/Jazmine Sullivan...you know the drill.  If you've ever seen a friend (or you yourself have gone through it) it's an ugly ugly ugly event.

(PS: No, I never received an apology.)

But anyway, I digressed.  The point of this post is to let you know that no one ever died of a broken heart.  Well, maybe some people killed themselves because of one, but I sure hope that ain't the case because there's so much of life to enjoy...like watching more Youtube videos and seeing what else Betty White has to offer.

Plus, I met this awesome person (Linda) who recommended this book to me a while ago and I thought that this was one of the best gift I've ever given myself - "It's Called a Breakup Because it's Broken." It's also been passed around to some of my girls who thoroughly enjoyed it. And the cool thing is that it was written by the guy who wrote, "He's Just Not That Into You." 

So...with this in mind...here's my advice/book's advice.

1. "But he was my best friend." Yea, so was the little girl who had boogers coming out of her nose when I was in 1st Grade...I'm not friends with her anymore.
2. Alcohol + Phone = DANGER. Alcohol + Text = DANGER. Alcohol + Camera Phone = All over the Internet.  Thus, DELETE the number.
3. He's not hiding at the bottom of that Pint of Icecream.
4. Keep your integrity intact. Word gets around...if you go psycho, chances are that everyone else will know too.  Shiet, especially being Vietnamese, I'm already prone to the stereotype of being crazy. I'm really not.  Do what I did, write your psycho thoughts down and then destroy it, or tell your psycho thoughts to your friend.  It really makes you feel better.
5. Pickup a new hobby.  I actually picked up 2 (including writing again), and have found a new love for both of them.
6. Friends are great. Lean on them, but you're only allowed about 60 days to talk about him/her otherwise you risk losing your friends if that's who you ever talk about.  Granted...I did have a shrink to talk to which helped.
7. Burn party. Those are fun =).  From my conversations with my guy friends, apparently guys do this a LOT more than girls..odd. But nevertheless, a good thing.

I think that's all I got for now...I have a few more.  But DO read that book, it is freakin hilarious!

#92: Ghost Riding my Whip

Yes, I did. I ghost rode my whip...on TOP of a parking garage. =)  Kids, don't try this at home.

It actually took 2 tries to finally film it - the first time I was chasing my car because I didn't anticipate how fast it would go on Drive.  But here it is!

#91: Wisdom/Advice by a 26 Year Old Female

• To eliminate cleaning your bathtub as often, always keep a scrubber in your tub. I'm all about efficiency: washing your hair while walking around with the scrubber underneath your foot kills a lot of time...and grime.
• Tuna pasta salad is the way to go, or rice with some type of meat I can season real quick and throw on a pan. I choose not to cook most of the time because it wastes time and energy. Use your energy elsewhere.
• Quaker Oats is badass.  For $4, you can have a hearty breakfast for about 2 months.
• Never take your Mother's relationship advice because she'll always have the last word in no matter how crazy her advices are, and it usually goes something like this, "and THAT is why you're still single!" Seriously? There's no correlation, but it makes a good jab in the face.
• If you live in an apartment like I do, make sure you keep your voice down, I hate waking up in the middle of the night to my neighbor saying, "Get the Fuck out of my house you bitch!!! I fucking hate you!"  It really makes me uncomfortable when I walk down stairs and I see you next to your girl.
• Speaking of which, it does provide my roommate and I some type of CSI entertainment as we both get down on our floor and place our ears on the carpet to make sure he's not beating her up.  I don't think he has yet because we haven't heard her get punched.
• When a girl ignores you, she probably isn't interested. So get over it and move on to someone who cares enough.
• When a guy ignores you, he probably isn't interested. So get over it and move on to someone who cares enough.
• Life is super short, so hang out with people you actually like.  
• No matter how much your parents pissed you off, they're always going to be the one that will take you in.  And with my Mother, she will allow me to sit in a fetal position in her lap for a short amount of time before she throws me off because I'm too heavy for her 5'1" frame. LOL.

#90: Love by Chris Rock

#89: Hug Rejection and other Awkward Stories

First Part - Vlog about how I got rejected from a hug today.

Second Part - 

Speaking of socially awkward, I think Charlyne Yi, Michael Cera, Seth Rogan, Jonah Hill, etc. are awesome and are pretty easy to relate to...except that they make money/bank on being themselves... what a career.

Here's a funny YouTube of Dirty Dancing by Channing Tatum and Charlyne Yi...it cracks me up lol.

#88: ChickenAndKetchup.com

I've always wanted my own domain name...ever since, well, ever since the internet was invented by Al Gore.  And last Sunday, I did just that, I bought my own domain name:

ChickenandKetchup.com

Now a lot of people have asked why on Earth did I do that, and the answer is simple - it's because I could. That's pretty much it.  

And after that purchase, I started thinking about how I would utilize that site and it dawned on me that I should get the opinions of my friends, fellow bloggers, and readers.  Obviously, some of the ideas that one of my friends suggested ain't going to fly, like making it a porn site.  That just sounds gross when it comes to chickenandketchup....the imagery...you get the picture.

I know for a fact that ChickenAndKetchup.com will be the continuation of this current blog (if you type in chickenandketchup.com, it'll drive it back here), but I wanted to make this site a bit more robust.  So I'm putting it out here to my readers...

What type of content would YOU like to see from ChickenAndKetchup.com?

Here are some ideas that I have:
- Have funny contributing writers each week
- Funny local videos
- Calendar of events
....

Please comment on this post with some of your ideas. Thanks! =)

#87: Mascara and Memorial Park Part 2

My sister posted this on my Facebook page yesterday.  Every time I watch it, I catch something else to laugh about.  Watch, you won't be disappointed, LOL.


Memorial Park Part 2
Everyone knows, especially my roommate Esme, that I HATE to run. But because I was going to be late to my class and needed to get a workout in before another busy week, I decided that it was now or never when it came to working out this week. So I put on my running shoes and hit the damn trail for the second time this year.

But to my surprise, I found it a bit more pleasant...and amusing.  Here's what I saw on the trail as I attempted to run (I actually walked the last half of it...fail):

• Male Tramp Stamp -As I walked behind this young man, he took off his shirt, and, thus, revealed a tattoo on his lower back...aka a male version of a tramp stamp.  It looked like a tribal butterfly at first glance, but then I sped walked as close as I could to examine it, and it still looked like a butterfly to me...but I guess I can see where it looks like a scorpion.
• Funny Runners - Some people just run funny, that is all. Especially those pigeon toed ones. I just giggle.   Hey, I run funny too, I drag my feet because I have flat feet (see blog #-2, yes, that's before I started numbering them for easier reference).
• Undercover Shoe Sellers - as I walked by this SUV I noticed about 20 pairs of athletic shoes perfectly lined up in his car...LOL. I'll take one for $30.

#86: No $ex = "Twin Bed" Song

Rated: PG-13 - viewer's discretion is advised (don't worry, it's safe enough to view at work)

If y'all didn't show up to Rogue Improv tonight, you missed out on some amazing standup! We laughed, we cried laughing, and we gasped.  And per usual, we ended with a longform improv. Thank you to EVERYONE who came out.

Also, I performed my newest song, "Twin Bed (aka No $ex)" tonight for the first time. Hope y'all enjoy the video, messups included.



Lyrics:
Wake up on the morning on my twin size bed


My feet hangs off, I cannot see

A shitty way to wake up

Before I leave take a look at my childhood bed,

No wonder I get no ass because of its size



Twin Bed, I love you

You always keep me single

Twin bed, I give up

It’s just you and me tonight

Twin Bed, 26

He sees my bed and he says…NooOoOO, NooOOo



Ain’t got a big girls bed, but I got plenty of beer

Ain’t got no money in my pockets, that’s why I still sleep there

Sometimes the dudes are lining up because they think I have swagger,

But then they see my bed and say sayonara!

Twin Bed, I love you

You always keep me single

Twin bed, I give up

It’s just you and me tonight

Twin Bed, 26

He sees my bed and he says…NooOoOO, NooOOo

#85: LIVE Blog - be a part of it! ROGUE IMPROV

Dun dun dun... my everyday experiences and thoughts are often written in this blog, but what if I can take it LIVE and include my readers?!

We will call it a LLOG!

Be a part of Tawn's LLOG

RogueImprov.com

And tomorrow is your chance to be there with some of the funniest people in Houston - ROGUE IMPROV.  We will have an open mic night at Avant Garden for the very first time, and then will follow it up with what you see us do every week on stage - good ole longform improv.